• Yesterday was my 22,666 day of life. I expected a little more celebration.
  • Has anyone ever bought a pickup because 5 guys were sitting in folding chairs on a closed freeway saying manly things?
  • In the history of man, nothing good ever came after the phrase, “There’s no easy way to say this. . .”
  • In 8th grade, 2 girls got to see all of our IQ scores. What a motherlode of information they had on us. Now, you can win a little box at a party, take it home, and test your own IQ. So many mysteries are gone.
  • My dog licked off all the skin medicine from her abdomen and was sick all over the house for 2 days. Sort of a dog IQ test.
  • Every survey says that people in their 60’s and 70’s are the most satisfied with their lives. Well, isn’t that kind of the point of planning and saving for 5 and 6 decades?
  • You know you’re in trouble when your press statement includes the sentence, “All of those interactions were consensual.”
  • You’re in even more trouble if you’re a Bishop and that’s your press statement.
  • DOGS!
  • If you’re a dog lover, the previous thought needs no explanation. If you’re not a dog lover, then it’s inexplicable.
  • Living in a totally materialistic society erodes the soul.
  • Evidently, Charlie Rose thought the young women who worked for him really wanted to see him in the shower. I think he just may have just wanted them all to know that he was still responsible for his own hygiene, even at his age. That makes more sense than the other explanation.
  • I have always thought that if you plan carefully and are really lucky, you have maybe 10 years between your boss telling you what to do and your doctors telling you what to do. I have 5 right now, but I’m not going to make 10.
  • The Hilton Head Starbucks burned down. Now, there’s a first world problem if I ever heard one. The sight of so many upper class caffeine refugees lost and wandering will tear your heart out. Actually, I’m a little sad. It was a great coffee shop.